DutchALF - Lifestyle & Sociale vaardigheden

Hoi jongens,

Mijn Nederlands is nog niet zo goed, daarom is deze post in het Engels. Ik snap wel nederlands, spreekt het ook best goed maar voor nu ff een post in het Engels..

Imagine you emigrate, or relocate to a new country/city removed from your social life..!
What would you do if our places were switched??

My 'situation';
* Social life = NONE
* My age is >=37.
* Language ability = moderate (non english speaking country).
* Unemployed professional freelancer consultant.
* Just moved here, to Nederland >=4 months ago.

I've tried cold approaches, street game, but havent gotten to bars & clubs bcs lack of a 'wingman'. Yea I do regular fitness, meditation / yoga, did have dates, but it takes much effort, energy while the rewards are low. Many woman flake, or are 'busy'.. friggin tiresome!
Since I dont have a social life, or woman to choose form, one got to start somewhere.

Its friggin difficult to meet ppl/woman because;
* They either dont want, need or pursue new social contacts.
* Ppl/woman have an established social circle.
* They are ' busy' with their things / life.
* Woman, ppl dont give a shit that you're new in town. Nobodys welcoming me with open arms.
* Financial wealth, social possibilites is a definite attraction factor.
* Unemployed consultant = no collegues to invite for a drink
* most people, when they have their life organized stops 'hunting' and are into 'family' lifestyle.

Practical example.
In the flat below me lives 2x attractive 25-year old single woman flatmates with a very active social life. I've invited them twice to have a drink at my place, or to meet in in a cozy bar in our street for a drink. Only reply was: "oke, we will let you know". Which means: "f*ck off". Spending time on them is a wasted effort.

Lets change places. Ever been far away from your parents, family etc..? Your advise is appreciated.

I have only very little experience with this situation. When I moved out from my parents place, I found an appartment with some friends, so I wasn't completely alone. I started going to parties of the few friends I had. There I met new people, whom in turn invited me. On top of that, I got a job that laid high emphasis on social bonding amongst their employees. Once you got things going, this snowball effect will make things easier. I understand that getting started is the hard part. I think that part of the solution to your problem is increasing your number of social circles. This sounds simple, but can be hard. Here are some examples:

- Get a job
- Become a volunteer
- Join a sports club (teamsport is better then individual sports)
- Join any club you have a special interest in (e.g. politics, debating, public speaking: http://toastmasters.nl/?page_id=300)
- Do a course in Dutch, you'll probably meet people that are in a similar situation

In the meantime, don't stop doing all the things you've been doing so far. Keep us updated on your progress!

Hoi Stephan,

Dankje voor je reactie. Toastmaster is een goed idee!!

Mijn gesproken Nederlands is veel beter dan geschreven Nederlands .

Op engelstalige evenementen zoals Toastmasters van 'The Hague', of JCI Amsterdam International komen er typisch voor 98% buitenlandse expats op af. Het liefst wil ik met autochtonen Nederlanders contact krijgen. Misschien ben ik door kieskeurigheid ook kortzichtig?

Wat ik nu doen;
1. Solliciteren naar een baan op niveau. I am trying for Dutch speaking jobs.. very little international jobs for my career here in NL!
2. Vrijwilligers.. oke goed idee!
3. Sporten. 3x per week, yoga + meditatie 4x per week.
4. Cursus Nederlands.
5. Informeren naar de ervaringen van anderen.

Ik ben benieuwd naar de ervaringen van andere forumleden, bijvb iemand die voor >=2 jaar in het buitenland ging wonen/werken. Hoe was het? Wat heb je meegemaakt? Waarom bent je terug gekomen naar NL?

Well there are some backpackers on this site. I backpacked for 3 months by myself to experiment with life.

My results:
1) finding a job takes a lot of effort
2) building a social life when I was sleeping in hostels is easy
3) building a social life when I was staying together an Italian host family in my own room (I did that for 2 months) is harder, but if you have like a 'pond' to get to know people better it's really doable (mine was this intensive Italian course). Obviously, there is a lot of cold approaching involved, the more I cold approached the better actually. People really liked it that I tried to learn Italian.

So based on your situation:
1) I can't give experienced advice with your job situation.
2) For a social life you already got some awesome tips from Stephan. I'd say try to create a bit of randomness in your life. By that I mean, just go out to a place where there are a lot of people (preferably day) and approach and talk with the people who seem interesting to you. If you don't know anything to say, then say something about the situation or assume something positive about them and start with that (e.g. to a well dressed girl:"are you a fashion stylist?"). Just say something positive, in my experience positivity and cold approaching are like a good stable marriage, they've been together for a long time and it's all good.

Well like I said, 3 months of back packing through Europe (Czech Republic, Austria and Italy). Hope this gives you some insight.